one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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