honey bunches of taint.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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