This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize