Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize