Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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