i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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