Having a random hookup so left but love u
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
