I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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