this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
