Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
