i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
