i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
