Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
