he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
