This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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