dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have aggressive nipples.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
