those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
