Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
