I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
