And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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