so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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