A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
