My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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