I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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