We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
