ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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