he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
