The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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