The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
