Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
