Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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