You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
