I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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