Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
