3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
