Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
