Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
