Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
