i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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