I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
