I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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