Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
