If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize