you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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