cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
