I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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