That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
