wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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