Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
