census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
