Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
