Kiss
Puke
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize