problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
