Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
