I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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