I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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