hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
