dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
