My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize